Hmmmm, okay then.

For the past two days, I haven't made it to the gym, BUT, I've been good and have worked out at home! I realize that we don't always have time to make it to the gym, so just improvise. I have one of those big blow up balls, you know the ones they have at the gym, well anyways, you can do a lot with that one ball and a resistance rope. I mean, man, you can really get your heart rate up and get all sweaty and gross, lol. But even the grossness is all worth it if you lose a pound or anything, lol.
With working out being talked about a lot on my blog, I wanna make sure and tell everyone to stay hydrated! Drink plenty of water! carry some with you at all times, and if possible, drink water when you go out for a meal. Next time I write I'm going to write about ways I've changed my eating habits and stuff :) I probably won't be around for the next two days tho because I have to work and I'm usually too tired to do anything after, lol. So enjoy your Friday and Saturday! and stay hydrated!

Oops! I did it again!

I made it 2 days in a row! Yay!! I'm finally back to going to the gym! I was so ready to go today too! I was excited about it; the drive in me is back! Trey went with me today too, which makes me happy :) But I've learned that sometimes I just have to go by myself, I have to remember that I'm doing this for MYSELF, for MY health and MY happiness. I think that's where a lot of people tend to fail, because if we had a partner to go with and then they back out at the last minute, we tend to not go too. We make us reasons not to go like "well, if she isn't going with me, we'll just go tomorrow" and then tomorrow comes and you still don't go, next thing you know...a whole week has passed without you working out; I've been there, I'm speaking from experience!! Some days i would be so set to go, but Trey would not go with me, so I would just stay home and watch TV or whatever and not get a lick of exercise, then I would feel bad for not going and I would make excuse after excuse after excuse...its a vicious cycle and so easy to get trapped in.

The best way to get out of a cycle of not going to the gym or working out at home is to do it. Even if you start off by going for a 5 minute walk down the block or doing a video at home, or as I like to do, play Wii Sports on our Wii. Its a lot of fun and you don't even realize that you are working out until you are all sweaty, lol.

The choice to start losing weight should be your own, not because someone else tells you to. You have to do it for yourself, you can't do it because your significant other wants you to lose weight or your friends tell you that you should, its a very personal decision to come to and YOU have to decide to do it, otherwise you will fail. Again and sadly, I'm speaking from experience, I've had people push me to lose weight and I would do good for about a month, then, whammo! right back to where I started or worse, because it was not what I wanted to do. Since mid 2008/beginning of 2009 it is MY own goal to lose weight, I realize that I'm fat because I did this to myself and now I've realized that I have to lose the weight by myself, no little fat fairy is going to come and take it away (boy, don't we all wish she existed!!) so I'm going day by day doing what I can for myself and if I happen to help someone along the way, thats even better.

Enough for today. But I'm heading back to the gym tomorrow! Good luck to all of you who are going tomorrow too! Rememer...take it one day at a time.

Back on the wagon....

Well, its official, I'm back on the wagon....er, back to working out, lol, although I did not make it this morning as planned, I went this evening and am feeling absolutely awesome!!! I was afraid that I would struggle to regain my momentum that I had before, but even after not working out for a month, I went back and it was like I never left, I did all that I used to do and more!

I notice that I've been really vocal about my weight with people, I'm not as ashamed as I used to be, don't get me wrong, I'm still not happy with myself, but I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm the way I am is because I used to overeat and not get enough exercise, I think that realizing what is/was holding you back is one of the key things to talk about with others, even if you just talk about it to a good friend. I had many long conversations with a friend named Christina, it is so nice to talk to her because she knows how I feel and knows the everyday struggles I face, because she faces them too; a lot of us do. She knows the embarrassment and the shame that we hold onto, the things that make us feel guilty when we indulge in that chocolate bar or that really yummy piece of cake after dinner, whatever your struggles and guilty pleasures are, we all face them and we all have them, just embrace them and talk about them and talk about your goals with others, they can be your friends in person or a good online friend, there are so many people to talk to, even I'm here to talk to; because, chances are, I know your struggle and I face it too.

I want to take a moment and thank the people who are always there for me and always have an ear to listen to me complain and to those who have given me all the support I need and more for this journey I'm on. I also want to thank my husband for always encouraging me to do my best and be the best person I can be.

I'm back!!

Well, we all fall off the wagon sometimes and I'm getting back on mine. I'm getting up tomorrow morning at 8:30 and going to meet my husband at the gym and workout til I can't work out anymore...or til at least 11:30, when he has to head back to work, lol.
I've done good and have not gained back any of the 32 pounds I lost, but I also realize that I NEED to get back to my regular workouts, they make me feel alive and they make me feel better about myself. On the outside I'm always happy, but my insides are torn up because of my insecurities about my weight, I don't like being overweight, nor do I like being stared at when we go to a waterpark...You know, that stuff all hurts, even if it does not show on the outside...it still hurts. I realize that we all have insecuries about our bodies and we all have things that we want to work on, but I want to be a size or two smaller by the end of summer. I'm tired of being the fat girl, the one who doesn't ride rollercoasters because I can't fit in the seats, or being the one who is left behind because people don't think to ask if I wanna do something fun.
I will log on tomorrow and make a post about how my workout goes, but for now, I need to head off to bed to get some rest so I will feel like getting up early, lol.

Let me know how you all are doing? We all need encouragement sometimes.

Back in action! and a Recipe :)

Yay!! I got back in action today at the gym!! It makes me so happy to have been back after almost 2 weeks of no gym. I did 2.5 miles on the bike, 105 regular crunches, 50 straight leg crunches, ball twists and 10 laps in the lap pool, we were kind of short on time today so I had to condense my workout! I feel amazing tho!!! I've lost 30 pounds now!! People always ask me how I'm doing it and I tell them, just lots of hard work and determination! I'm not taking any pills or any appetite suppressors or drinking any weight loss drinks, I'm just working out and watching my portion sizes on my meals and drinking LOTS of water; I average about ten 8oz cups a day. People also ask if I quit eating out and the answer to that is, no...Trey and I love eating out, especially Mexican, but we both do our part and watch how much we eat, what we order and we always substitute corn tortillas instead of flour tortillas.

Okay, as you can tell, I love food! I love to cook it, eat it, smell it, whatever..lol. Tonight we are barbecuing some pork steaks and some brats, yum!! I'm sure we will have lots of leftovers. But here is another favorite of mine from the grill...

Grilled Greek Chicken Skewers with whole wheat pitas -

2 chicken breasts, sliced thin into bite size pieces (grill the chicken on skewers)
low fat greek vinaigrette salad dressing
whole wheat pita bread
large tomato, diced
large cucumber, diced
small red onion, diced

Pour dressing over chicken and put in fridge to marinate for 30 minutes. Grill chicken or cook over stove...grilled gives that nice smokiness :) If grilling, grill for about 15 minutes over medium heat.
Once cooked, serve skewers of chicken in pitas with cucumber, tomatoes and red onion. Also have extra dressing out, for those who like more :)

Huge Week!!

This has been such a big week!! I have not had a chance to post until today! Trey worked on Monday til noon, then we loaded up and headed off to Branson for a mini vacation type trip; it was great, we started out Monday with going to the shanghai circus, with amazing Chinese acrobats!! Then Tuesday, we got some rest and then went to Ripley's Believe it or Not and spent a good hour and a half to two hours walking around taking pictures and just having fun, went to Starbucks and got some drinks, then we went to the Rib Crib and ate with my mom and her fiancee and his best friend...food was yummy!!! After dinner, Brandon, my mom, Trey and I went miniature golfing and had a blast!! Brandon and I each got a hole in one, and the scores were so close...mom and Brandon each got 52, I got 53 and Trey got a 65 (mind you, Trey and I have not been mini golfing in years!!). Then we headed back to our condo and wouldn't you know it, there was a fire alarm going off for almost a freaking hour!! It didn't get shut off til almost 11p.m., needless to say, i was pretty upset, especially since we had to get up at 5 a.m. the next day; I got very little sleep that night.

And now we are going to jump to Wednesday morning(after no sleep)!! The BIG day for my mom and Brandon, it was great, we got dressed, got some pictures taken and then headed off to the little church at Silver Dollar City in Branson, the church was so cool, it was a real church that was over 160 years old and still had the original roof and floor, unfortunately, the walls had been damaged in previous storms and had to be replaced. But there it was, 8:30 in the morning and my mom was getting married!! They both read their own vows they had each written to each other and were going to start a life together as man and wife, it was so romantic and so sweet, I cried a little, just knowing that a chapter in her (my mom) life had ended and was closed and there was a new one beginning. I think they are perfect for each other and I know that Brandon loves my mom more then anything, he was there through some hard times, like when she had to have a hysterectomy and almost died on the operating table, he was there for me(and her), he really helped me through that, I thought I was going to lose my mom and he stayed with me and talked and just let me cry my eyes out. Enough about that, even now, still brings tears to my eyes.

The rest of the say at SDC was great!! We went on water rides together and the boys got to ride roller coasters to their hearts content!! Mom and I just walked around and talked and hung out and let the boys be boys, lol. We closed the park down, and then headed back to our condos and passed out!! It was a long, but wonderful day!! Thursday brought a lot of sleep and packing for Trey and I to head home, but we did go to the Dixie Stampede with my parents before we left, and that show was great too!! We got home sometime after midnight and were so happy to see our kitties were okay, we spent friday recovering from being tired and let the dogs recover from having too much fun at Happy Tails.

In closing, even with all the food we ate, we still got a lot of exercise walking around a lot and I still lost a two pounds!! So I can go new places and still lose weight, its just a matter of eating the right portions and staying active.

Random thoughts

Well here is it, Sunday evening and we are getting ready to leave for our mini vacation to Branson, for lunch, we had homemade chicken tenders with my mother in law, who doesn't cook chicken very well, usually burned and very dry. Today's were not much better then normal. But I'm glad we don't have to see her for at least a week!! While Trey and I are in Branson for my moms wedding (yay) we get some much needed alone time away from the daily stresses of home life, we are looking forward to it. Trey and I have only gotten one vacation where it has just been him and I, even or honeymoon was spent with his overbearing mother, who wanted to spend all the time with us she could, she was going to come to Branson with us, but then decided against it when her friend decided that he was not going to be able to go either, I hate to admit it, but I was jumping for joy when she told us she was not going!! We were going to be sharing a condo with her and that would have meant no free time for "us" time, unless we snuck off somewhere just for that.

Today's blog is mainly to let everyone know that I will be gone for most of the week and will post when I get back. Have a great week everyone :)

Reasons...

I think we all have our demons hidden inside of us and the reasons we like to eat, many factors contribute, such as, stress, anger, sadness, loneliness and boredom' those are just to name a few. I know there are many more reasons out there and that we all have our reasons why we got the way we were are.

I DID this to myself, whether I want to admit it or not, I've come to realize that I started gaining weight when I was fairly young, I would sneak extra snacks after school and sneak in a slice of bread or some cheese or something between meals, I think a lot of it had to do with how mean kids in school were, but I can't lay the blame fully on them, I was somewhat of an outcast, there weren't a whole lot of kids with single parents back when I was in elementary school and I was one of the few, I grew up without my father because he was shot and killed during a robbery incident at his brothers house, so since the age of 5 1/2, it was just mom and me, and I survived, sometimes not very well, but here I am today telling my story to you day after day.

In me revealing my story to you, the reader, you will get to know my ins and outs and some of my quirks and my annoyances, but above all, I want you to follow my weight loss, this journey of self discovery I'm on, and to possibly be inspired to start your own journey...I know there are so many people out there, both big and small who want to better their lives in one way or another, I happened to choose my health, but I welcome anyone to tell me what they would like to improve upon. I would love to help in any way possible, help find resources or just be a kind listening ear. Just remember that I'm new to this too and we can go through these journeys together or you can just watch and follow mine, wishing me luck every now and then.

The Biggest Loser

I've been a fan of the show 'The Biggest Loser' and when they had open auditions for season 8, I jumped at the chance of a lifetime to go and try out. My best friend Liz went to the Louisville, Indiana audition with me, we made the long drive there and then got up after only a few hours of sleep and went and sat in the cold with other people who were also trying out, we just happened to get in line right behind this very nice couple (Jen and Rick) and immediately hit it off with them, we sat there and talked to each other for hours while waiting for the talent agents to get there and start calling groups of eager BL fans for auditions. When it was finally our turn, we went in with a group of ten people and had an open chat, giving our opinions on what we thought of the weight gain of Jessica Simpson and how we thought she felt and other questions, among which, one was 'do you feel that overweight people are discriminated against in public?' a few other questions followed and the agent just sat there and listened to the group talk and then when our 7 minutes were up, we were all rushed out and the next group was called in; that was it, that was what we drove so far for, and then the waiting started, the agents told us that if we got a call back, it would be withing the next 4-5 days, waiting was horrible, and it was such a let down to not get that call...but alas, I was going to try out again!! I just could not take that I was not right for the show, so I talked to my husband and I decided that I was going to drive to Nashville, TN and try out again to get on the show that I loved so much, I wanted to change my life and I wanted to the help that they gave on the show and they had great support of other people who were on the show. I left at around 1 am to go to Nashville and made the drive by myself and when i got there i was so confused as to where the beginning of the line was, I was snapped at by a such a rude woman who obviously thought that she was better then everyone else there, she also snapped on other people, like the girl who got in line behind me, she was also confused as to where the end of the line was, but we sat there and talked and then it started to rain, that sucked!! I had no umbrella and no hood on my jacket or anything, the kind woman in front of me shared her umbrella with me and we sat and talked about our lives and what we did in our free time, it was a good time, I really enjoyed getting to know people who had the same struggles that I did. But once again, I got no call back and I was devastated, I cried myself to sleep a few nights and would just break out in tears because, once again;I had been rejected....

After the rejection of TBL, I found comfort in others who had also been rejected, Christine who was on my facebook account as an acquaintance has now become such a dear friend, she has also went through the rejection of being on TBL, although, she made it farther in the process then Jen or myself did, she got a call back interview and it seemed to be the most stressful time for her just waiting to see if she was going to be picked to make it on the show, she waited and waited and waited...it was so hard when she didn't get the call to be on the show, the devastation hit hard, not only her, but all of us who had tried out and wished more then anything to make it on the show.

Since my rejection of not making it on the show, I decided that I had to take control of my own life and make my own decisions about getting healthy. I started working out 3-5 times a week, riding a stationary bike, I started out at 1 mile of huffing and puffing and now I do 4-5 miles a day and I'm addicted to it, I found that I have muscles where I never knew they existed before, I swim everyday I go to the gym, and I love it, I've found that when I don't go, I miss it, it feels like my day is not complete without some sort of exercise. I've lost 25 pounds and will keep posting my weight gains and losses as they come with my weekly weigh ins.

Going back to TBL, I don't really want to be on the show now, I've come to realize that they aren't really in the business of helping people as much as I thought they were, I've realized that they try to make it out as you can't be a whole and complete person and you can't make your dreams come true unless you are skinny enough to do them, I find that so sad and disheartening, I fell in love with the show and the people who were on the show because they seemed to want it so bad, now the contestants who get on the show, immediately want to know how to get an agent to promote them out, they don't want to be there to lose weight, they want to be there for their fifteen minutes of fame, not at all like the people I met while waiting in the lines at the auditions. even the season finale was awful, people who we all thought would work hard, didn't. Some even lost 10, 22 and 30% of their body weight, not at all the outcome that everyone wanted to see. There is even speculation that the at home winner, Jerry, had some sort of surgery or took weight loss pills to lose the 177 pounds that got him the win, how did this 68 year old lose so much weight while being at home, he could not do it before? So what made him do it at home this time? he only spent two weeks on the BL ranch. An the winner, Helen, she is a 48 year old selfish woman who sent her own daughter(who has been heavy her whole life) home. Helen has only been heavy for a few years and didn't want to give her young daughter who seems to have a very low self esteem a chance to get healthy. So instead, she doesn't lose that much by the end of the show. Doing it at home was not doing it for her. I feel sorry for her.

The cherry on top at the BL finale was that they had two bleach blond young girls on the show for America to vote for, as to who was going to be on next season, these girls almost looked identical and had the same stupid story about how they missed out on life being young, I was like, what?!?! you are 24 and 19, what have you missed out on??!?! They did what seemed to be fake workouts with Bob and Jillian; Jillian even pretend to sit on one of the girls lap during an exercise routine, what a sham!! They probably had spray bottles to spray them with to make them look sweaty...wouldn't want to mess up their gobs of makeup they were wearing.

It was so depressing to come to realize what the show is really promoting, not a healthy lifestyle, but that you can only be happy if you are skinny.

I'm done ranting for now.

My first post...

This is the beginning of my writing about me, I've never done this before, so forgive me if I tend to babble; I do that in real life too, you should see me talking to my friends, yikes!! We can keep five different convesations going at once, confuses my husband to death, lol.

Anyways, this blog is going to be about me and my everyday struggles and the struggles of my past that still haunt me. I've been on this whole weightloss kick for a long time but have always had a hard time trying to lose weight and keep it off, I'm sure many of you out there have the same troubles. Losing weight is hard and I think that each and every one of us trying needs support! I think supportive friends and family is the key to losing and keeping the weight off.

Let me tell you a little about me, I'm a 29 year old female, I've been married slightly over a year and a half to my wonderful husband Trey,we have two dogs, Odie and Homer, and two cats, Gaby and Hermes. We both have a soft spot for animals. I've been a big girl all my life and have always hidden behind that fact; thinking I could not do lots of things because of my weight, I was always that fat kid in school that everyone picked on, however, with me being as social as I am (having never met a stranger) I had lots of friends and lots of friends to 'defend' me against those mean kids, that always felt good, knowing that I had people who cared, although, little did they know that when I went home everyday I would get a huge snack and fight off the tears remembering what those mean kids had said and called me. I always wanted to be that popular, pretty, peppy, skinny girl who all the boys loved and wanted to go out with, but I was never that, instead I was the one who went to some school dances and was a 'wall flower' and watched other people dance and have a good time, again going home and fighting off the tears of humiliation of not being asked to dance even once. I look back on that and even now, I can still feel that pain, lots of people still comment on the fat girl in the store; People are rude and some are just downright mean, I think the ones who are that mean are just so unhappy with themselves that they always have to say something mean about another person to try and relive their highschool days, in truth, they are no happier with their own lives then anyone else.
Enough about that for now, let me tell you a llittle more about me then I will be done for today. As I've already said, I'm a big woman, and I accept that, but I'm changing my life, in the past 4 weeks, I've lost 25 pounds by working hard at it, I work out at the local gym 3-5 times a week and I'm learning to change my eating habits, but I have to say that the biggest reason I've lost so much is because of the support of my family and some very dear friends. I think all people who want to lose weight need to start with getting support and knowing that you didn't put on the weight overnight and its not going to come off overnight, you have to work at it and you will lose some weeks and gain on others, just don't give up!! Listen to friends when they tell you its okay that you ate that big piece of cake, just do it in moderation.

Tomorrow I'll talk about my applying for The Biggest Loser and what a let down it ws to not get a call back.